Stop Thinking and Read this..

Ps - If you havent received a message from me asking you to chk my blog (lovegoodluna@blogspot.com) then.. dont try and understand what is written underneath.. you wont get it! and I wont explain either..

Pps - I know Ps is supposed to be after the message.. but my blog.. my entry.. my way :P


Now.. for you girl.. listen (read) and listen (read) carefully.. I dont know what's wrong with you but I know things arent really amazing with me either and on top of everything I dont want you on my nerves...

See stop feeling possessive if that's what the problem is.. you know that no one and I mean NO ONE.. can take your place in my place.. today.. ever! Hogs is my FAMILY... my sisters and brothers... people to hold me from wrong.. to guide me... to tell me and to listen but they arent my besties.. you are! However there is just no comparison... Yes I remember all the words I am not allowed to use that a Hogs person told me.. but I also remember all the things u made me write... I dont do either...

Further... you need to accept it - I have changed! No I am not and I never will be the girl you met in 8th... the girl in 8th that entered your class on a Monday morning to an English Monday Test was lost in 8th itself... She never read... She never believed in anything but her God... I read... I deny to believe in the God who taught me to believe in everything but made himself unworthy of the belief (I think u know who I talk of)...

As of today... I had a farewell that no one can... and no one ever will.. a farewell with actually inviting Poojee to my wedding despite knowing how will I blind the guy I marry but my farewell was to the 2 people who were my life and in this school, I leave them behind... I realised I got clicked with alot of people.. but - NONE OF THEM MATTER!
I didnt get clicked with a single person who matters - Jyoti maam, Marwah maam, Sen maam, more importantly you or Adi...

Shiv.. try and please understand the place where I am... I have known trust in someone since I have known myself.. hell 12 - 13 years is a big deal.. today suddenly all those promises and all those words and everything seems fake.. no emotional song appeals.. I really am becoming that Kiran girl I told you about... and I guess its a matter of some months or years that I wont mind what she did for power...
I am becoming what I hate abt him... cant help it...

Amidst all this - no I didnt throw you outta my life.. I threw myself outta your life.. there is a difference.. you will matter the same much to me always but I just didnt want to make you realise it any more for I had grown tired of doing so all 11th and 12th.. actually just 11th...
You got a life and I totally appreciate it.. I dont want you sticking to me like a nanny for every problem I have.. I really appreciate when you are there but I wont ever force you no matter how much I want you.. and if I did mention there were times when I wanted you more than anyone.. someone who can listen and ask me to f*** the rest and carry on.. but I always knew that you got bigger and better things in hands and on mind... and its perfectly k...

All in all.. I wanna tell ya - NEVER COME BACK AGAIN if you wanna LEAVE... I can do it with you all leaving once but not over and over again... You will find me there whenever you need me (in some way or other) and I am just a message / call away.. but just try and understand what's on in me..

I didnt tell anyone a word for 2 big years... I did things without knowing why... I did things because they were so unlike myself.. I did things because I hated them.. and then suddenly you come and ask me to be verbal again.. tell you everything like before.. do what the Shruti you knew did..

This whole stuff in front of like the whole world is just there to let you know - If I were to count my besties.. I know I would count you first.. even before Shin (Shin dont kill me if you read this).. but its like I have a record of loosing everyone I hold dear - Eja, Nurav, Adi, Lihas (not exactly par name counts zyada karne ke liye what's the harm :P), Javed, Shivalika (my first bestie), frnds at Kuwait (who never know the real me till date), Kari and now you...

All I wanna say is - you matter - else there are really few people I talk to the world abt.. other ppl dont knw u.. either they have wrong conceptions about you or they heard me missing you... but you need to STOP thinking that I bitched or something because I have bitched abt Adi as well as Nurav but not abt u.. even when people I trusted told stuff...

Dont take it all wrong.. its just - Yes I miss you (sorry Mehran.. I hav almost forgotten old times so yes I can miss her) but I am just never gonna say it...
and if you really wanna do something for me.. Do good in your exams and do good in your life.. thats it!

And yes.. I know I shouldnt still I want to - thnks! For everything.. even telling me that a possibility is that Eja wont be happy forced back here...
Take Care and God Bless you.. :)