Writes of what to write and what not to write

Recently reading a lot of emails (because that is what I do), I realized that there is no correct or incorrect way to perform written communication. If you are a student, all the letters that you have written and the formats that you have learnt, apparently you shall forget them as soon as you start working i.e. be of age of actually writing those letters. Also, there is nothing like US or UK format. There is simply no format.

When I spent a couple of minutes browsing through different emails, there was something more that I realized. The closing or every mail changed a lot. It is similar to how we take home the climax of a good movie. Similarly, the closing changes the tone of the email.

Here is a list collated from the ones I saw -

1. Regards

I am not sure how this came into being a part of the business communication at all. Imagine all the mails where you are berating the other or demanding explanation yet you finish the email with Regards. Another comical example is applying sick leave on email and then ending the same with Regards. Right, you are the one who is unwell yet you would like to show Regards to others. However this is the safest option as it is a mildly happy emotion. There are no expectations from this and neither any strong sentiments reflecting from the same.

2. Sincerely

Never used in the real world! Sincerely, if I recall was to make the tone formal. Writing any business email and then ending it with Sincerely ensured that the tone of the email remained formal and business meaning. People were supposed to know that you meant business and that you are sincere in your approach. However this has never been used even once in any email that has passed from my sight in the past nearly four years of my experience.

3. Best Wishes

Seldom used in quite jovial mails. This is like 'Regards' but in stronger sentiment. Imagine firing someone and ending it with 'Best Wishes' - almost like you are wishing him/her away. This is showing that the sender is simply too happy. And trust me, happiness is not an emotion that your boss likes. He is soon going to sense your happiness and burden you with more work. So no Best Wishes.

4. Cheers

Now I have seen a lot of people from other countries posting some info or a very neutral email and ending with Cheers. While Cheers always seems to lighten the mood, it never makes sense to write your name after Cheers. That totally shows that the sender is drunk and takes Cheers to a totally different meaning.

5. Thanks

This is totally the safest option of them all. From applying for leave to berating someone, thanks can be used everywhere. Depending on the reader, it can be conceived as ending the conversation or putting you as a humble person. When in doubt, go with Thanks!!

6. Mixed Tone/ Multiple closing notes

Horrible choice! Never go for it! Often people will mix two notes which don’t match each other. That makes the situation disastrous. Other times having long closing notes or multiple line closing notes makes the email content smaller than the same. So unless you are totally sure - totally not advised. Topic closed!

7. No closing note

Why? In a world full of words, you don’t even find one for yourself? It often makes you sound rude and changes the tone to be angry. Avoid it unless you can afford it.

8. Love

Never appeared anywhere else other than the formats written in school. Won't appear either. Don’t bother yourself.

9. Short forms or abbreviations like Thnx or Regds

Like who stole your vowels? How much extra calories are you going to burn typing those extra alphabets? You know right that signatures can be saved and configured to be attached to mails automatically? Did you know you were sending an email and not an sms?

10. Take Care

Becomes too good will seeking. Read passage for Best Wishes.

11. -Name

Right! We could have never guessed your name unless you wrote it. This is only useful if you have a long name - like really long and you are working with people from other regions as well who might have difficulty pronouncing your name or your name is too long to write. Only then it is acceptable to sign your name or short of it to ensure people know what you like to be called. It is also better than nothing. In general sense, not a too preferable practice.

12. Yours

What? Freaking complete your sentence/phrase/sentiment and then I will complete mine.

Some other humorous closing notes that I found on the internet -

1. Sent from my iPhone / Sent from BlackBerry

Flaunting your phone/ application? Would the content change if you sent it from desktop?

It explains away brevity and typos—who’s at their best when typing on a phone? But it also conveys that you don’t care enough to do away with the default email signature that came stock with your device’s email app.

Some people get creative with this signature. A few fun (if not necessarily business appropriate) examples found round the Internet include:

• My parents wouldn’t buy me an iPhone so I have to manually type “Sent from my iPhone” to look cool
• Sent telepathically
• Sent from my laptop, so I have no excuse for typos
• Sent from my smartphone so please forgive any dumb mistakes
• I am responsible for the concept of this message. Unfortunately, autocorrect is responsible for the content
• Sent from my mobile. Fingers big. Keyboard small.
• iPhone. iTypos. iApologize.
• My phone can’t spell for crap.

Stopping Time

Why won't you stop?
Why won't you just listen?

I need a moment

Or maybe more

Till it all sinks in

From the moment that I started

With you as my constant companion

A shadow in the watch

A friend, sometimes a foe

An observer in oblivion

Till the highest of peaks

And deep into the oceans great

In school, in the mall

In office, in my hoe

Like a pendulum, you gyrate

Breaking me from within

And teaching me to move on

You are the teacher, I yearn for

When I reach out

You are long gone

O Time, yet again I plead

This is one moment that I need

The moment when you freeze

This moment in sorrow or in glee

Will never tend to cease or be freed

I need this moment to catch a breath

To sit in quiet and retrospect

To just stop running for a while

All I need is a moment to smile

And I plead and inflect

One challenge after another

Sometimes more than one at a time

I have fared through it all

Sometimes taking a toll

Other times with a shine like dime

Today is not any other day

The words fall short for what I have to say

Wanting a moment is a wish

Waiting for a shooting star, under

The starless night I lay

A moment for me

A moment for you

If you stop, the moment anew

Hold my hand, let me walk you through

When you stop, the moment comes true!

The precious Elbow

Once or twice now, I have asked people to wear helmets. When they were only travelling the nearby areas, they felt helmet was unnecessary and it is only required when travelling long distances. Further if you insist that helmets should be worn even for the smallest of distances being travelled on road, they would reply that they drive carefully.

Well, to all those people and everyone who thinks similarly -

1. Helmets are for the protection of yourself - specifically your skull. The traffic police personnel who fined you for not wearing one or I, who keeps bothering you with such trivial information, have nothing to gain from you wearing a helmet. Trust me.

2. I certainly believe you are careful and drive safely. The same can not be said truthfully about every other vehicle driver on the road. Unfortunately.

3. Helmets will protect your skull even if you are seated in the rear. So if you have a skull, helmets are mandatory. If you have a spare, you are exempted Lord Raavana.

But helmets can be really annoying if I want to talk to someone with me or especially in summer time! True!

Use the public transport or pool a car with friends. I can guarantee no public transport requires you to wear helmets. Some of them will have ACs to help you fight the summer. They will cost you less or equal to what you spend while using you two-wheeler. Moreover, public transport will take away a lot of your issues - wearing a second shirt Over your office clothes, tan over your exposed arms, gives you extra time to read or catch up on your favourite show/movie, gives you chance to meet new people, takes away your tension about your parking spot getting full.. and more. All this at the tempting price of only two disadvantages - you will need to carry perfume at most times and you will need to careful about your belongings.

It is not the case that nobody wears helmets. Almost everyone has and carries them. However, to my utter astonishment, many people find themselves safer securing their elbows instead of their heads. Now i have heard of brains being in the knee joints but God knows what hidden treasure is there in the elbow joints (sometimes my elbow joints pain.. maybe the treasures are growing beyond capacity). Weirdly we only aim at protecting one elbow. Not sure how someone finds the exact elbow where their treasure is. What if they are wrong? What if they meet an accident and their other elbow breaks and the treasure gets lost? More importantly - why only elbow?? A person has 206 bones.. many joints I don’t know the count of.. other organs and muscles.. what about them?

On a serious note.. I am cursed with travelling to Gurgaon from Delhi for the past three and a half years. Taking the Delhi-Jaipur highway, I have seen several accidents. Some as they happen.. other leaving the road bloody. Seen headless corpses. Tick. Seen a man being hit by a truck and die on spot. Tick.

Worst of all I have seen how the buses or travellers drive on the highway. Most of the drivers are none the less experts in navigating the bus through spaces enough for a nano car. This becomes more a reason to be cautious when you dare to drive on the same road.

Well even after everything you believe that your hairstyle is important than some weird safety measure, trust me hair will grow (or wear a wig) as long as you have a skull. Without a skull, it is very difficult to style and flaunt your hair!