Friday, January 29, 2010

Stop Thinking and Read this..

Ps - If you havent received a message from me asking you to chk my blog ( then.. dont try and understand what is written underneath.. you wont get it! and I wont explain either..

Pps - I know Ps is supposed to be after the message.. but my blog.. my entry.. my way :P

Now.. for you girl.. listen (read) and listen (read) carefully.. I dont know what's wrong with you but I know things arent really amazing with me either and on top of everything I dont want you on my nerves...

See stop feeling possessive if that's what the problem is.. you know that no one and I mean NO ONE.. can take your place in my place.. today.. ever! Hogs is my FAMILY... my sisters and brothers... people to hold me from wrong.. to guide me... to tell me and to listen but they arent my besties.. you are! However there is just no comparison... Yes I remember all the words I am not allowed to use that a Hogs person told me.. but I also remember all the things u made me write... I dont do either...

Further... you need to accept it - I have changed! No I am not and I never will be the girl you met in 8th... the girl in 8th that entered your class on a Monday morning to an English Monday Test was lost in 8th itself... She never read... She never believed in anything but her God... I read... I deny to believe in the God who taught me to believe in everything but made himself unworthy of the belief (I think u know who I talk of)...

As of today... I had a farewell that no one can... and no one ever will.. a farewell with actually inviting Poojee to my wedding despite knowing how will I blind the guy I marry but my farewell was to the 2 people who were my life and in this school, I leave them behind... I realised I got clicked with alot of people.. but - NONE OF THEM MATTER!
I didnt get clicked with a single person who matters - Jyoti maam, Marwah maam, Sen maam, more importantly you or Adi...

Shiv.. try and please understand the place where I am... I have known trust in someone since I have known myself.. hell 12 - 13 years is a big deal.. today suddenly all those promises and all those words and everything seems fake.. no emotional song appeals.. I really am becoming that Kiran girl I told you about... and I guess its a matter of some months or years that I wont mind what she did for power...
I am becoming what I hate abt him... cant help it...

Amidst all this - no I didnt throw you outta my life.. I threw myself outta your life.. there is a difference.. you will matter the same much to me always but I just didnt want to make you realise it any more for I had grown tired of doing so all 11th and 12th.. actually just 11th...
You got a life and I totally appreciate it.. I dont want you sticking to me like a nanny for every problem I have.. I really appreciate when you are there but I wont ever force you no matter how much I want you.. and if I did mention there were times when I wanted you more than anyone.. someone who can listen and ask me to f*** the rest and carry on.. but I always knew that you got bigger and better things in hands and on mind... and its perfectly k...

All in all.. I wanna tell ya - NEVER COME BACK AGAIN if you wanna LEAVE... I can do it with you all leaving once but not over and over again... You will find me there whenever you need me (in some way or other) and I am just a message / call away.. but just try and understand what's on in me..

I didnt tell anyone a word for 2 big years... I did things without knowing why... I did things because they were so unlike myself.. I did things because I hated them.. and then suddenly you come and ask me to be verbal again.. tell you everything like before.. do what the Shruti you knew did..

This whole stuff in front of like the whole world is just there to let you know - If I were to count my besties.. I know I would count you first.. even before Shin (Shin dont kill me if you read this).. but its like I have a record of loosing everyone I hold dear - Eja, Nurav, Adi, Lihas (not exactly par name counts zyada karne ke liye what's the harm :P), Javed, Shivalika (my first bestie), frnds at Kuwait (who never know the real me till date), Kari and now you...

All I wanna say is - you matter - else there are really few people I talk to the world abt.. other ppl dont knw u.. either they have wrong conceptions about you or they heard me missing you... but you need to STOP thinking that I bitched or something because I have bitched abt Adi as well as Nurav but not abt u.. even when people I trusted told stuff...

Dont take it all wrong.. its just - Yes I miss you (sorry Mehran.. I hav almost forgotten old times so yes I can miss her) but I am just never gonna say it...
and if you really wanna do something for me.. Do good in your exams and do good in your life.. thats it!

And yes.. I know I shouldnt still I want to - thnks! For everything.. even telling me that a possibility is that Eja wont be happy forced back here...
Take Care and God Bless you.. :)

Monday, January 25, 2010

Kyon (All the Best)

I dont know why but I just cant get this song out of my head for the past two days.. this is one song.. that whenever came on radio.. I used to listen and also recognise but never downloaded it.. but since two days.... its on my nerves.. :D

My DPS Mathura Road experience..

Sorry but there is no '14 years back when I entered this school...' in my coming words (no this is no speech.. it's what I feel and what I want to share...).. because I wasn't a part of Delhi Public School Mathura Road, 14 years back... but I do remember all the moments I spent here...

I entered this school on a Thursday morning... dressed in white shirt and blue jeans.. my dad wanted to shift from Rohini to central Delhi and he had applied in certain school here... DPS Mathura Road and Sardar Patel had replied.. my dad wanted me to go to DPS Mathura Road first..
I remember the first time I passed from the the 'Jhandewalan Temple' and from where the Metro is now running... Central Delhi was alien to me.. and today I can lead you to almost all places... My old school.. DPS Rohini was.. well again a DPS and really big.. but DPS Mathura Road was considered huge.. both area and achievement wise..
I entered the school with alot of positive attitude.. there is no arguing back about education to my parents.. they have to be right and so I do as told...

As I entered the gate.. and towards the reception.. I had no idea what next.. I had a written test and I was scared with that... I sat in the receptionist's room with 3 papers and my pen and sat doing my 'science, english and Mathematics (then Maths)'...
The copies went for correction immidiately and me and my dad were asked to wait.. the results came and we were supposed to meet the Principal who will tell the results and decide whether to give the admission or not... however.. it took a little longer and my dad was tired of waiting.. he had a meeting to reach and so he asked me to sit in the completely new place alone.. My dad told the PA to the principal then Mr. Rana that I was there alone and he will send the car back in 15 minutes to take me home... I dont know why my dad did this.. had he taken me with himself.. I wouldnt be in this school only...

Whatever.. I decided to do as asked and sat admiring the aquarium in the reception waiting area.. When I had initially entered the school main building, I saw the aquarium, the tropies outside Principal's room and the 2 big vases at the gate to the Principal's room... I had made a mental note to admire them later... while waiting I also saw a girl with her grandmother.. I had no idea why were they there.. but from then, I have seen the 2 at the same place so many times that I dont find it out of different now.. indeed I will, if it doesnt happen... wont mention the girl for I wouldnt want to hurt anyone (including myself :P)

However it was just a few mintues that I was alone and then a person from the Principal's room came and announced my name.. apparently the Principal wanted to meet me.. I told them my dad had gone but they said I was fine...
First time entering the Principal's room was like entering heaven from Earth.. I have to mention my Principal has a good taste... the room is completely wooden (I dont know about the floor for it is carpetted golden ever since).. the room has a yellowish glow and a warmth you wouldnt want to escape.. there is the Principal's huge wooden desk with his chair and computer and files and ofcourse the television screen showing the corridors.. on one side and on the other there is a very comfortable sofa with another aquarium... right in front are the trophies and pictures of the principal.. It made me shiver once.. I greeted the principal and took a seat when he asked me too.. he meant pure business.. and he told me that I scored best in math, then english and last science... I knew it and it was because I hadnt studied some things asked.. thats it.. he looked at the answer sheets.. to the screen with kids in corridor and told I am in and to collect my admission letter from Mr. Simon...

Yeapiee.. so I was here.. something struck me.. I wanted to go to Sardar Patel due to some personal reasons but this something wasnt enough to hide my happiness.. they say that its very difficult to get into a public school.. but here I was.. all alone and admission granted into one of the best schools of Delhi.. I told Mr. Rana what sir had said and he showed me the way to Mr. Simon... trust me.. I dont know about the corruption part but Mr. Rana has been really sweet to me.. and I donot fear declaring it - the new Paul guy suxx to the core..
Well I dont remember but it to be Mr. Rana.. he told I can join the school from this very day... and I told him.. I cant.. I am not in uniform... I dont have the books and further my dad will send for the car any moment.. I have to go home.. Meanwhile.. Mr. Simon told an age to ready the letter.. I told him I am in.. but he said that no I am not.. I tried to tell him that the Principal said so.. and he says no you are not.. I gave up arguing.. I knew I was in.. one guy couldnt just stand against the Principal..

I went home.. got snaps clicked for the admission processes.. and then I was in from Monday... my class 8 C (sorry if it was B but I remember it C) was totally crazy... I sat with Sofa (Sophia).. her bestie then was Akanksha who had a compartment and so wasnt attending school for sometime.. then I didnt even know what's a compartment but I didnt bother asking.. there was a Shruti in my class and this spread like news... I know one thing.. I remember everyone from my 8.. they may or maynot do so... but each of them is special.. they made 8 the most interesting section I could get into..
Thanks to - Karishma, Shivangi Raheja, Shivangi Goel, Ananya, Radhika, Sophia, Akanksha, Shruti, Shefali, Deeksha, Tarini, Shreya, Shweta, Aditi, Naila (who joined after me), Rishabh, Ankit, Akshat, Kunal, Akshar, Sagar, Akshays (there were 2 and I mean both), Amit (sorry), Abhinav, Rohan, Inderjit... I am sorry if I am missing on anyone... but I will remember all of you forever.. and yea - thanks for being there!
My 8 class memories are really sweet - remember going somewhere (I think DPS Noida) in a car from school and teasing Akshar about Radhika... the Christmas dance and asking Principal to let us do it on stage.. looking for the remix cassette.. Rishabh's all acts in the class.. Goel's getting Varun numerous popularity.. ASHA RANI SOOD!!... Rawat sir.. Sofa's getting best marks in hindi.. Poonam Gupta ma'am.. Adarsh maam, Deepti maam (the trainee math)... Mamta maam (trainee sst)...

and then 9th.. where the school gave me the most.. I got a bestie for life - Shivangi Raheja.. and the list is huge.. Adi (sorry Shiv... but someone takes away the credit from you.. but because of you Adi talked to me for the first time..), Marwah maam, Oracle classes, Kamini maam, Harpreet Maam, Pinku.. the computer gang - Naman bhaiyaa, Varun Bhaiyaa... and then other new students I had in my class - Juhi, Ashna, Zarah, Isha, Parul, Mehak, Sanchi, Kritika, Jona, Pooja... and yes how can I forget Vinni (the diva teacher), Anupama Khanna maam, mummy :P, Jyoti maam, Fatima maam... that organising assembly with Sudhakar sir and Lalit maam for the first time and coming to school so early.. all assemblies.. saying we can dance better.. the 'choti si asha' on Children's Day... the legendary PHOTOCOPY room :D LOL

The burning of Ravana and the other statues on Deepavali, the holi balloons, the crackers in the canteen.. the falling apples... getting pic clicked.. getting cell secretly...

the lady guards.. I remember once there were male guards and poor thing they never got anywhere near to know what we are upto.. but didis (lady guards) talk to us and are really sweet.. and this reminds me that I need their pic too :D

I will miss my labs.. the computer lab (I miss it already)... the bio slides (whatever 2 - 3 I made)... my physics and chem lab.. and most importantly the math lab which never got set up for we needed a new Vice Principal room :P... the lecture rooms.. MPH.. all the workshops... I met Dr. Nath in that MPH and so that MPH will be always the best hall I enter..

Then my topsy turby experience at the hostel.. attending Narayana classes at hostel.. never made me a hosteler but yes I got to be a suspecious day scholar.. so I was like balancing both boats.. but those classes made me meet some of the best men walking this Earth.. I am never gonna forget them - Anurag sir, Dash sir, Anoop sir, Pandey sir and Deepak sir... Because of them I had a great time at the centre and made some really good friends...
Most importantly.. Rehman maam and Rawat sir have been so sweet to me always.. that trust me it was a Princess Life that I lived under their shelter.. John sir, Happy maam have been great too.. the mess food.. trust me I love it.. I know you guys at hostel eat it daily but common its just like my mum cooks and still different so ofcourse I love it.. Then I am a little scared of Menrai maam and Anita maam.. but Menrai maam smiled at me at the farewell and I dont know why I felt like hugging her...

Honestly.. these are numerous and I will never complete writing them...

Then 11th was rocking too.. I know I wasnt a kind to suit my class but honestly guys you believe it or not I have stood with you all for long... and like always.. thanks for giving me 2 interesting years and a class that's always in highlights :D

I enjoyed every moment of it.. all fights.. I rediscovered myself in 11th.. came to face my fears and enforce my strengths.. ofcourse alot of people get credited for this.. specially Dr. U.S. Arora sir.. no I dont hate him.. but I dont know what was the story then... today I know he was a better choice than Adi.. unfortunately I dont have the time left to start knowing him.. but I hope aal remains well with him...
Then J.P. sir.. OMG.. he's even more forgetful than me and still so good with his work.. He is cute according to me ;) .. Mahua maam.. she's been the sweetest all along and even strict... she's taught us to be beautiful inside out.. She's one perfect person... pretty.. charming.. intelligent.. organised and she can talk to anyone with so easy.. I really envy her dresses :P
Naveen sir... trust me.. zindagi dobara dilchasp hui.. toh hum zaroor milenge... inshallah! He's been the most interesting person I have known for the past 2 years... he just pops into my life.. comments.. and goes.. even before I know he was here and then I have to spend hours to think 'what?'... he never leaves a chance to throw a question at me.. and thanks to him.. I have learnt some interesting answers.. :P
Sudha maam... fine.. I did hate that appointment affair and all.. but today when I see the whole picture.. she's been really sweet to me... and to all of us for that sake.. and whatever and whichever way she is.. I would want her to remain the same.. her smile fills the days with flowers.. a teacher that never stops smiling...
Tuli maam.. thanks for teaching me Economics.. trust me.. I am the worst choice to deal with money... and you taught me Economics for 2 years.. this is really calling for a huge award! :P

Okie.. I know I started off all over again.. but sorry... I think I will better write a small book with the whole story :P... all in all.. I am really proud of being an Indian... being a girl.. and from this moment onwards.. I am proud to be a part of DPS :D

Dont let me go into long.. but just I want to thank you if you were a part of DPS Mathura Road while I was here.. thanks a ton!

Sunday, January 24, 2010


donno why... but a pair of eyes (lets say two..) left something in my heart and came out this poem.. so here it is :P
tere cehhre ko taqte hain
shaamo savere
kya inmein wohh noor hai
ya rab hai samaya
teri baatein mishri lage
tere har gham ko apnaya
in aankhoin mein hai kuch baat
ki inmein doobne ko dil toh chahe
par jab ye take
jism paani sa simat jaaye
voh alphaz jo tere labo se nikle
aur wohh jo hai aaj talak ankaha
ruk gayi poor kayanat
tham gaya sama
jab tere chehre par dikha
gham koi ghana

bahut yaadein hain jo aankhoin ko nam kar deti hain
saari baatein hai dil mein goonjti hui
ye doori na hone degi poori...
hamari kahaani adhoori reh gaye...

Ya Khuda...
in aankhoin mein meri jannat basti hai...
inko kabhi nam mat rakhna
in labo se abhi bahut si baatein karni hai...
inhe kabhi hasi se door mat rakhna!

Thursday, January 21, 2010

3 idiots... CID style :P

Warning : I havent written any of this.. I read this on a site posted by a girl.. she got it in a mail.. I just loved it.. and so I share it with you all.. no offense meant...

and yea - Abhi itne bhi kaale nahi hain...

Ps : All fans (including me) this is jus some light hearted comedy.. no offense meant!
- Shruti

After Rancho suddenly disappears from ICE, Raju and Farhan Decide to call the world famous CID.
ACP: Ohh MY GODD !!! Rancho Gayab hai !! Abhijeet, Daya...campus ko acchi tarah se CHECK KARO !! Woh zaroor koi na koi suraag chhod gaya hoga !! (Shaking his finger)
(After searchin the campus like a pair of buffoons...Abhijeet and Daya find out that Joy had committed suicide 4 years back in the campus...)
Abhijeet: Sir, Mamla Gadbad hai...Yaha kisi joy naam ke student ne aatma-hatya ki thi 4 saal pehle. lagta hai woh aatma hatya nahi...khoon tha...aur shayad khooni yeh rancho hi hoga !!!


ACP: Yeh joy ki kabar khod ke uski laash bahar nikalo...aur use forensic lab me leke aao...dr. salunkhe zarur koi na koi baat ughalva denge iss murde aadmi se !!

(after fredricks does all the digging and brings out the dead body of joy...and the next scene is of the forensic lab)

Dr. Salunkhe: ACP, bahot jaldi laash laaye tum...isse kuch bulvana mushkil hoga...lekin tum tension mat lo...tum dr. salunkhe ke lab se khali haat nahi jaoge..koi na koi raaz toh pata chal hi jayega[
(after playin with some colour changing liquids)

Dr. Salunkhe : BOSS...tumne kaha isski maut suicide se hui hai...main kehta hu..iska khoon hua hai !!

ACP: Salunkhe !!! Mazaak ka waqt nahi hai !!...yeh kaise ho sakta hai??

Salunkhe: BOSS...sab kuch mumkin hai !! yeh dekho...(shows him his star-trek type computer and does some really fast typing)

ACP: OHH MY GODD !! (still shaking his finger)....toh phir yeh baat hamein kisi ne batayi kyu nahi ??...ek kaam karo...uss principal ko yahaan leke aao bureau me...ab kya sach hai..wahi hamein batayega !!

(virus is brought to the bureau)
Virus: Sssir, mujhe yahaan kyun bulaya hai...maine kuch nahi kiya

Abhijeet: sach sach batao...uss raat campus me kya hua tha???

virus: sssir, main sssach bol raha hu...mujhe kuch nahi pata hai??

(daya gives him his special CHAMAAAT !!!)

Daya: Ab yaad aaya kuch???

Virus: Haan Sir, sab yaad aa gaya...bata ta hu...sab bata ta hu !

Fredricks: (constipated look)..sir..daya sir ke chamaat me toh jaadu hai...iska 'sssss' kehna band ho gaya

ACP: Fredricks..chup raho !!

Virus: uss raat sab logo ne party ki thi....main bhi tha...lekin mere saath koi flirt hi nahi kar raha tha...isliye main bahot gusse me tha...phir Joy aaya aur usne mujhe uska helicopter dikhaya...maine uska helicopter gutter me fek diya..toh woh rote rote apne room me chale gaya. aur next din humne dekha toh uska murder ho gaya tha...lekin aap please yeh baat kisi se boliye ki badnaami ho jayegi...

ACP: hum kisi ko nahi batayenge...tum hamare saath co-operate karo

(virus leaves)

ACP: yahaan kuch toh gadbad hai daya....aisa kaise ho sakta hai ki campus me khoon ho gaya aur kisi ne CID ko bulaya hi nahin??

Abhijeet: sir shayad logo ko pata pehle police ko bulana chaiye...CID ko nahi !!

ACP: Aur yeh kaise hua ki khooni campus me aa gaya..aur campus se khoon kar ke nikal gaya??

Vivek : Sir, shayad yeh bhi ho sakta hai ki khooni koi student hi ho?

ACP: haan vivek...kuch bhi ho sakta hai...kuch bhi (shaking finger)..ek kaam karo abhijeet...phir se campus me chalte hain...aur acchi tarah se check karte hain...yahaan daal me kuch kaala hai !!

Abhijeet: sir daal me kala nahi...puri daal mere jaisi kaali hi hai !!

(they reach the campus in their ol' faithful qualis which changes colour every episode...but the number plate is still the same...and daya slams the breaks....SCCHRREEEECH !!)

ACP: Abhijeet, Vivek tum pura campus CHECK KARO....Daya tum iss campus ke saare DARWAAZE TOD DO !!....Fredricks...tum sab logo ko tumhare jokes se entertain karo...aur main yahaan baith ke apni ungli hilata hu....chalo sab apne apne kaam pe lag jaao !!

(after checking the campus)

Vivek: Sir, yahaan aiye....yeh dekho...yeh ek chatur naam ke ladke ki diary mili hai sir...isme likha hai ki woh rancho aur rancho ek dusre ke dushman the...aur woh rancho se badla lena chahta tha !!

ACP : (shaking usual)...OHH MY GODD !!! ab yeh Chatur kaun hai...aur iske room se itni baas kyun aa rahi hai !!...Good work vivek !!...iss evidence ko forensic lab le jao !

Abhijeet: Haain !!! Sir, dheere dheere sab pata chal raha hai...shayad se iss chatur ne hi joy ka khoon kiya hoga !! aur rancho kahaan gaya...usse hi pata hoga !!

ACP: Toh bulao iss Chatur ko Bureau mein...isse hi pooch ke dekhte hain !!

(chatur in interrogation)

ACP: Rancho kahaan hai ??

Chatur : I Don't Know Sir !! Mujhe nahi pata !!

Abhijeet: Dekho Sach Sach Batao !! Hamein yeh diary mili hai tumhare room se...isme saaf saaf likha hai ki tumhein rancho se jalan thi

Chatur : (over-acting)...mujhe nahi pata hai sir !! maine kuch nai kiya hai

(Daya gives ONE TIGHT SLAP and the chair spins)

Chatur: Haan haan...maine hi khoon kiya tha joy ka...kyonki usne mechanical helicopter banaya tha project me...aur maine sirf paper ka rocket banaya hoo hoo !! Lekin phir woh kambakht Rancho aa gaya...usne mujhe dekh liya tha...isliye maine usko bhi gayab kar diya

ACP: waah...kya plan banaya tha...lekin afsos tum CID ke saamne kamiyaab nahi ho paaye...ab banate rehna plan...JAIL me...Tumhe toh FAASI hogi FAASI !!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

English Tongue Twisters

Here are some English Tongue Twisters I found.. hope you like them..


Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.
A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked.
If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,
Where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?


I saw Susie sitting in a shoe shine shop.
Where she sits she shines, and where she shines she sits.


How many boards
Could the Mongols hoard
If the Mongol hordes got bored?

from the comic Calvin & Hobbes, by Bill Waterson


How can a clam cram in a clean cream can?


Send toast to ten tense stout saints' ten tall tents.

by Raymond Weisling


Denise sees the fleece,
Denise sees the fleas.
At least Denise could sneeze
and feed and freeze the fleas.


Coy knows pseudonoise codes.

by Pierre Abbat


Sheena leads, Sheila needs.


The thirty-three thieves thought that they thrilled the throne throughout Thursday.


Something in a thirty-acre thermal thicket of thorns and thistles thumped and thundered threatening the three-D thoughts of Matthew the thug - although, theatrically, it was only the thirteen-thousand thistles and thorns through the underneath of his thigh that the thirty year old thug thought of that morning.

by Meaghan Desbiens


Can you can a can as a canner can can a can?


Seth at Sainsbury's sells thick socks.


You cuss, I cuss, we all cuss, for asparagus!

from a Far Side cartoon by Gary Larson


Roberta ran rings around the Roman ruins.


Clean clams crammed in clean cans.


Six sick hicks nick six slick bricks with picks and sticks.


I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the wish the witch wishes, I won't wish the wish you wish to wish.


Stupid superstition!


There was a fisherman named Fisher
who fished for some fish in a fissure.
Till a fish with a grin,
pulled the fisherman in.
Now they're fishing the fissure for Fisher.


World Wide Web


To sit in solemn silence in a dull dark dock
In a pestilential prison with a life long lock
Awaiting the sensation of a short sharp shock
From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block.

by W.S. Gilbert of Gilbert and Sullivan from The Mikado


Picky people pick Peter Pan Peanut-Butter, 'tis the peanut-butter picky people pick.

from a commercial


If Stu chews shoes, should Stu choose the shoes he chews?


Luke's duck likes lakes. Luke Luck licks lakes. Luke's duck licks lakes. Duck takes licks in lakes Luke Luck likes. Luke Luck takes licks in lakes duck likes.

from Dr. Seuss' Fox in Socks


Seventy seven benevolent elephants

harder than it seems


There those thousand thinkers were thinking how did the other three thieves go through.


Santa's Short Suit Shrunk

name of a children's book


I was born on a pirate ship

Hold your tounge while saying it.


I scream, you scream, we all scream for icecream!


Wayne went to Wales to watch walruses.


In 'ertford, 'ereford and 'ampshire, 'urricanes 'ardly Hever 'appen.

from the film "My Fair Lady"


One-one was a race horse.
Two-two was one too.
One-one won one race.
Two-two won one too.


Eleven benevolent elephants


Celibate celebrant, celibate celebrant, celibate celebrant, ...


Willy's real rear wheel

David Bowser in Harrisburg, PA


If Pickford's packers packed a packet of crisps would the packet of crisps that Pickford's packers packed survive for two and a half years?

from Naomi Fletcher's real life


Six sleek swans swam swiftly southwards


Gobbling gorgoyles gobbled gobbling goblins.


Did Dick Pickens prick his pinkie pickling cheap cling peaches in an inch of Pinch or framing his famed French finch photos?


Pirates Private Property


What a terrible tongue twister,
what a terrible tongue twister,
what a terrible tongue twister...


When you write copy you have the right to copyright the copy you write. ...
continued here


A big black bug bit a big black dog on his big black nose!

by Kitty Morrow


Elizabeth's birthday is on the third Thursday of this month.


Ann and Andy's anniversary is in April.


Flash message!


Frogfeet, flippers, swimfins.


Hassock hassock, black spotted hassock. Black spot on a black back of a black spotted hassock.


How many cookies could a good cook cook If a good cook could cook cookies? A good cook could cook as much cookies as a good cook who could cook cookies.


How much ground would a groundhog hog, if a groundhog could hog ground? A groundhog would hog all the ground he could hog, if a groundhog could hog ground.


How much pot, could a pot roast roast, if a pot roast could roast pot.


How much wood could Chuck Woods' woodchuck chuck, if Chuck Woods' woodchuck could and would chuck wood? If Chuck Woods' woodchuck could and would chuck wood, how much wood could and would Chuck Woods' woodchuck chuck? Chuck Woods' woodchuck would chuck, he would, as much as he could, and chuck as much wood as any woodchuck would, if a woodchuck could and would chuck wood.


Mary Mac's mother's making Mary Mac marry me.
My mother's making me marry Mary Mac.
Will I always be so Merry when Mary's taking care of me?
Will I always be so merry when I marry Mary Mac?

from a song by Carbon Leaf


Mr. Tongue Twister tried to train his tongue to twist and turn, and twit an twat, to learn the letter "T".


Pete's pa pete poked to the pea patch to pick a peck of peas for the poor pink pig in the pine hole pig-pen.


She saw Sherif's shoes on the sofa. But was she so sure she saw Sherif's shoes on the sofa?


Through three cheese trees three free fleas flew.
While these fleas flew, freezy breeze blew.
Freezy breeze made these three trees freeze.
Freezy trees made these trees' cheese freeze.
That's what made these three free fleas sneeze.

from Fox in Sox by Dr. Seuss


Two tried and true tridents


rudder valve reversals

the cause of some plane crashes


Birdie birdie in the sky laid a turdie in my eye.
If cows could fly I'd have a cow pie in my eye.


How many cans can a cannibal nibble
if a cannibal can nibble cans?
As many cans as a cannibal can nibble
if a cannibal can nibble cans.


A twister of twists once twisted a twist;
A twist that he twisted was a three-twisted twist;
If in twisting a twist one twist should untwist,
The untwisted twist would untwist the twist.


Thirty-three thirsty, thundering thoroughbreds thumped Mr. Thurber on Thursday.


Four furious friends fought for the phone.


Plymouth sleuths thwart Luther's slithering.


Bobby Bippy bought a bat.
Bobby Bippy bought a ball.
With his bat Bob banged the ball
Banged it bump against the wall
But so boldly Bobby banged it
That he burst his rubber ball
"Boo!" cried Bobby
Bad luck ball
Bad luck Bobby, bad luck ball
Now to drown his many troubles
Bobby Bippy's blowing bubbles.

from mid-Willamette Valley theater


Black background, brown background.


Why do you cry, Willy?
Why do you cry?
Why, Willy?
Why, Willy?
Why, Willy? Why?


Very well, very well, very well ...


Tie twine to three tree twigs.


Rory the warrior and Roger the worrier were reared wrongly in a rural brewery.


Mares eat oats and does eat oats,
and little lambs eat ivy.
A Kid will eat ivy too, wouldn't you?


Three short sword sheaths.


Caution: Wide Right Turns

seen on semi-tractor trailers


Rolling red wagons


Green glass globes glow greenly.


Robert Wayne Rutter

personal name


I stood sadly on the silver steps of Burgess's fish sauce shop, mimicking him hiccuping, and wildly welcoming him within.


When I was in Arkansas I saw a saw that could outsaw any other saw I ever saw, saw. If you've got a saw that can outsaw the saw I saw saw then I'd like to see your saw saw.


black back bat


The queen in green screamed.


How many berries could a bare berry carry,
if a bare berry could carry berries?
Well they can't carry berries
(which could make you very wary)
but a bare berry carried is more scary!


What did you have for breakfast?
- rubber balls and liquor!
What did you have for lunch?
- rubber balls and liquor!
What did you have for dinner?
- rubber balls and liquor!

- rubber balls and liquor!


Snap Crackel pop,
Snap Crackel pop,
Snap Crackel pop


Six slimy snails sailed silently.


I thought, I thought of thinking of thanking you.


Seven slick slimey snakes slowly sliding southward.


Red Buick, blue Buick


Roofs of mushrooms rarely mush too much.

by Matt Duchnowski


He threw three balls.


The great Greek grape growers grow great Greek grapes.


Singing Sammy sung songs on sinking sand.


We're real rear wheels.


Rhys watched Ross switch his Irish wristwatch for a Swiss wristwatch.


I wish to wash my Irish wristwatch.


Near an ear, a nearer ear, a nearly eerie ear.


On a lazy laser raiser lies a laser ray eraser.


Scissors sizzle, thistles sizzle.


Tom threw Tim three thumbtacks.


How much caramel can a canny canonball cram in a camel if a canny canonball can cram caramel in a camel?


He threw three free throws.


Fresh French fried fly fritters


Gig whip, gig whip, gig whip, ...


I was born on a pirate ship.

Say it while holding your tongue.


2 Y's U R.
2 Y's U B.
I C U R.
2 Y's 4 me!


Little Mike left his bike like Tike at Spike's.


Eddie edited it.


Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread.
Spread it thick, say it quick!
Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread.
Spread it thicker, say it quicker!
Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread.
Don't eat with your mouth full!


Wow, race winners really want red wine right away!


The ruddy widow really wants ripe watermelon and red roses when winter arrives.


I'll chew and chew until my jaws drop.


Triple Dickle

a strong drink


How many sheets could a sheet slitter slit if a sheet slitter could slit sheets?


Supposed to be pistachio,
supposed to be pistachio,
supposed to be pistachio.

by Diane Estep


Chester Cheetah chews a chunk of cheep cheddar cheese.

from a high school singing class


Real rock wall, real rock wall, real rock wall


Argyle Gargoyle


Peggy Babcock

personal name


If you're keen on stunning kites and cunning stunts,
buy a cunning stunning stunt kite.


Two tiny tigers take two taxis to town.


Sounding by sound is a sound method of sounding sounds.

by Pierre Abbat


Willie's really weary.


Yally Bally had a jolly golliwog. Feeling folly, Yally Bally Bought his jolly golli' a dollie made of holly! The golli', feeling jolly, named the holly dollie, Polly. So Yally Bally's jolly golli's holly dollie Polly's also jolly!

by Mistah Twistah, Tony Valuch


Out in the pasture the nature watcher watches the catcher. While the catcher watches the pitcher who pitches the balls. Whether the temperature's up or whether the temperature's down, the nature watcher, the catcher and the pitcher are always around. The pitcher pitches, the catcher catches and the watcher watches. So whether the temperature's rises or whether the temperature falls the nature watcher just watches the catcher who's watching the pitcher who's watching the balls.

by Sharon Johnson


Tommy Tucker tried to tie Tammy's Turtles tie.


John, where Peter had had "had had", had had "had";
"had had" had had his master's approval.


Excited executioner exercising his excising powers excessively.


Pail of ale aiding ailing Al's travails.

from India


Double bubble gum, bubbles double.


If you can't can any candy can,
how many candy cans can a candy canner can
if he can can candy cans ?


Octopus ocular optics.
A cat snaps a rat's paxwax.

by Pierre Abbat


This is the sixth zebra snoozing thoroughly.


Salty broccoli, salty broccoli, salty broccoli ....


I saw Esau kissing Kate.
I saw Esau, he saw me, and she saw I saw Esau.


A slimey snake slithered down the sandy sahara.


Suzie Seaword's fish-sauce shop sells unsifted thistles for thistle-sifters to sift.


I eat eel while you peel eel


Nothing is worth thousands of deaths.


Casual clothes are provisional for leisurely trips across Asia.


East Fife Four, Forfar Five

an actual football result from the Scottish third division


Roy Wayne
Roy Rogers
Roy Rash

personal names


11 was a racehorse,
22 was 12,
1111 race,

Wunwun was a racehorse, Tutu was one too. Wunwun won one race, Tutu won one too.


It's not the cough that carries you off,
it's the coffin they carry you off in!


She said she should sit.


Mo mi mo me send me a toe,
Me me mo mi get me a mole,
Mo mi mo me send me a toe,
Fe me mo mi get me a mole,
Mister kister feet so sweet,
Mister kister where will I eat !?


Will you, William? Will you, William? Will you, William?
Can't you, don't you, won't you, William?


I wish you were a fish in my dish


She stood on the balcony, inexplicably mimicking him hiccuping, and amicably welcoming him in.

an actor's vocal warmup for lips and tongue


The big black bug bit the big black bear,
but the big black bear bit the big black bug back!


Dust is a disk's worst enemy.


I see a sea down by the seashore.
But which sea do you see down by the seashore?


Old Mr. Hunt
had a cuddy punt
Not a cuddy punt
but a hunt punt cuddy.


As one black bug, bled blue, black blood. The other black bug bled blue.


Mommy made me eat my M&Ms.


I'm not the fig plucker,
Nor the fig plucker's son,
but I'll pluck your figs
till the fig plucker comes.


A gazillion gigantic grapes gushed
gradually giving gophers gooey guts.


Aluminum, linoleum, molybdenum, aluminum, linoleum, molybdenum, aluminum, linoleum, molybdenum


Thin grippy thick slippery.


There once was a two toed, she toad, tree toad,
and a three toed, he toad, tree toad....


The sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick


The owner of the inside inn was inside his inside inn with his inside outside his inside inn.


If you notice this notice,
you will notice that this notice is not worth noticing.


If you understand, say "understand".
If you don't understand, say "don't understand".
But if you understand and say "don't understand".
how do I understand that you understand. Understand!?


She sees cheese.


Brent Spence Bridge
Clay Wade Bailey Bridge

places in Ohio



pertaining to the Siberian people living in Kamchatka


There those thousand thinkers were thinking
where did those other three thieves go through.


Five frantic frogs fled from fifty fierce fishes.


One smart fellow, he felt smart.
Two smart fellows, they felt smart.
Three smart fellows, they felt smart.
Four smart fellows, they felt smart.
Five smart fellows, they felt smart.
Six smart fellows, they felt smart.


Seven sleazy shysters in sharkskin suits sold sheared sealskins to seasick sailors.


I would if I could! But I can't, so I won't!


But a harder thing still to do.

What a to do to die today
At a quarter or two to two.
A terrible difficult thing to say
But a harder thing still to do.
The dragon will come at the beat of the drum
With a rat-a-tat-tat a-tat-tat a-tat-to
At a quarter or two to two today,
At a quarter or two to two.

from a college drama class


Love's a feeling you feel when you feel
you're going to feel the feeling you've never felt before.


Silly sheep weep and sleep.


Truly rural, truly rural, truly rural, ...


A turbot's not a burbot, for a turbot's a butt, but a burbot's not.


I know a boy named Tate
who dined with his girl at eight eight.
I'm unable to state what Tate ate at eight eight
or what Tate's tête à tête ate at eight eight.


I saw a saw in Arkansas,
that would outsaw any saw I ever saw,
and if you got a saw
that will outsaw the saw I saw in Arkansas
let me see your saw.


The seething sea ceaseth; thus the seething sea sufficeth us.


Real weird rear wheels

by Michael Dworkin and Bill Harvey


I slit a sheet, a sheet I slit, upon a slitted sheet I sit.


A pessimistic pest exists amidst us.


Knife and a fork bottle and a cork
that is the way you spell New York.

Chicken in the car and the car can go,
that is the way you spell Chicago.


Five fuzzy French frogs Frolicked through the fields in France.


Two to two to Toulouse?


Swatch watch


Dr. Johnson and Mr. Johnson, after great consideration, came to the conclusion that the Indian nation beyond the Indian Ocean is back in education because the chief occupation is cultivation.


Round and round the rugged rock the ragged rascal ran.


Buckets of bug blood, buckets of bug blood, buckets of bug blood


I'm a sock cutter and I cut socks.
I'm a sock cutter and I cut socks.
I'm a sock cutter and I cut socks.


If coloured caterpillars could change their colours constantly could they keep their coloured coat coloured properly?


We won, we won, we won, we won, ...


Thirty-three thousand people think that Thursday is their thirtieth birthday.

by Julia Dicum


How much ground could a grounghog grind if a groundhog could grind ground?


How may saws could a see-saw saw if a see-saw could saw saws?

by Jillian Goetz


As he gobbled the cakes on his plate,
the greedy ape said as he ate,
the greener green grapes are,
the keener keen apes are
to gobble green grape cakes,
they're great!

from Dr. Seuss's O Say Can You Say?


How much myrtle would a wood turtle hurdle if a wood turtle could hurdle myrtle?
A wood turtle would hurdle as much myrtle as a wood turtle could hurdle if a wood turtle could hurdle myrtle.


Shut up the shutters and sit in the shop.


Rattle your bottles in Rollocks' van.


A fly and flea flew into a flue,
said the fly to the flea 'what shall we do?'
'let us fly' said the flea
said the fly 'shall we flee'
so they flew through a flaw in the flue.


How much dew does a dewdrop drop
If dewdrops do drop dew?
They do drop, they do
As do dewdrops drop
If dewdrops do drop dew.


If Kantie can tie a tie and untie a tie,
why can't I tie a tie and untie a tie like Kantie can.


Bake big batches of bitter brown bread.


But she as far surpasseth Sycorax,
As great'st does least.

Caliban describing Miranda's beauty in "The Tempest", by William Shakespeare


Bake big batches of brown blueberry bread.


She sits in her slip and sips Schlitz.


Which wristwatch is a Swiss wristwatch?


Whoever slit the sheets is a good sheet slitter.


Mummies make money.


Crush grapes, grapes crush, crush grapes.


An elephant was asphyxiated in the asphalt.


A black bloke's back brake-block broke.


This is a zither.


Fresh fried fish,
Fish fresh fried,
Fried fish fresh,
Fish fried fresh.


There was a minimum of cinnamon in the aluminum pan.


Really leery, rarely Larry.


Big black bugs bleed blue black blood but baby black bugs bleed blue blood.


Elizabeth has eleven elves in her elm tree.


Her whole right hand really hurts.

difficult in Brazil


Come, come,
Stay calm, stay calm,
No need for alarm,
It only hums,
It doesn't harm.


Tie a knot, tie a knot.
Tie a tight, tight knot.
Tie a knot in the shape of a nought.


Red blood, green blood


I'm a sheet slitter.
I slit sheets.
I'm the sleekest sheet slitter
that ever slit sheets.


Round the rugged rock, the ragged rascal ran.


Busy buzzing bumble bees.


A lump of red leather, a red leather lump


Nat the bat swat at Matt the gnat.


I shot the city sheriff.
I shot the city sheriff.
I shot the city sheriff.


A lady sees a pot-mender at work at his barrow in the street.
"Are you copper-bottoming them, my man?"
"No, I'm aluminiuming 'em, Mum


I am not a pheasant plucker,
I'm a pheasant plucker's son
but I'll be plucking pheasants
When the pheasant plucker's gone.


Suzie, Suzie, working in a shoeshine shop.
All day long she sits and shines,
all day long she shines and sits,
and sits and shines, and shines and sits,
and sits and shines, and shines and sits.
Suzie, Suzie, working in a shoeshine shop.

Tommy, Tommy, toiling in a tailor's shop.
All day long he fits and tucks,
all day long he tucks and fits,
and fits and tucks, and tucks and fits,
and fits and tucks, and tucks and fits.
Tommy, Tommy, toiling in a tailor's shop.

sung by Ian Mackintosh


Preshrunk silk shirts.


Craig Quinn's quick trip to Crabtree Creek.


Six shining cities, six shining cities, six shining cities.


While we were walking, we were watching window washers wash Washington's windows with warm washing water.


A big black bear sat on a big black bug.


A bloke's bike back brake block broke.


Sweet sagacious Sally Sanders said she sure saw seven segregated seaplanes sailing swiftly southward Saturday.


Betty Botter bought some butter but she said the butter's bitter. If I put it in my batter it will make my batter bitter. So, she bought some better butter, better than the bitter butter and she put it in her batter and her batter was not bitter. So 'twas good that Betty Botter bought some better butter.


How much oil boil can a gum boil boil if a gum boil can boil oil?


Good blood, bad blood, good blood, bad blood, good blood, bad blood.


No nose knows like a gnome's nose knows.

by the Hofman family


Freshly fried fresh flesh


There are two minutes difference from four to two to two to two, from two to two to two, too.


There once was a man who had a sister, his name was Mr. Fister. Mr. Fister's sister sold sea shells by the sea shore. Mr. Fister didn't sell sea shells, he sold silk sheets. Mr. Fister told his sister that he sold six silk sheets to six shieks. The sister of Mr. Fister said I sold six shells to six shieks too!


Sally sells sea shells by the sea shore. But if Sally sells sea shells by the sea shore then where are the sea shells Sally sells?


She stood by Burgess's fish sauce shop welcoming him in.


Swan swam over the sea.
Swim, swan, swim!
Swan swam back again.
Well swum swan!


Sally is a sheet slitter, she slits sheets.


She sells sea shells on the sea shore;
The shells that she sells are sea shells I'm sure.
So if she sells sea shells on the sea shore,
I'm sure that the shells are sea shore shells.


Tie twine to three tree twigs.


You know New York.
You need New York.
You know you need unique New York.


What noise annoys an oyster most?
A noisy noise annoys an oyster most.


Ripe white wheat reapers reap ripe white wheat right.


Blake's black bike's back brake bracket block broke.


Each Easter Eddie eats eighty Easter eggs.


She slits the sheet she sits on.


A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed.


A twister of twists once twisted a twist.
and the twist that he twisted was a three twisted twist.
now in twisting this twist, if a twist should untwist,
would the twist that untwisted untwist the twists.


Red lolly, yellow lolly.


I am a mother pheasant plucker,
I pluck mother pheasants.
I am the best mother pheasant plucker,
that ever plucked a mother pheasant!


Mrs Hunt had a country cut front
in the front of her country cut pettycoat.


Knapsack strap.


John, where Molly had had "had", had had "had had". "Had had " had had the teachers approval


Miss Smith's fish-sauce shop seldom sells shellfish.


Great gray goats


Whether the weather be fine
or whether the weather be not.
Whether the weather be cold
or whether the weather be hot.
We'll weather the weather
whether we like it or not.


Sunshine city, sunshine city, sunshine city, ...


The batter with the butter is the batter that is better!


There's a sandwich on the sand which was sent by a sane witch.


How many yaks could a yak pack pack if a yak pack could pack yaks?


Twelve twins twirled twelve twigs.


If you stick a stock of liquor in your locker
it is slick to stick a lock upon your stock
or some joker who is slicker
is going to trick you of your liquor
if you fail to lock your liquor with a lock.


Clowns grow glowing crowns.


Can you imagine an imaginary menagerie manager
imagining managing an imaginary menagerie?


Sister Suzie sewing shirts for soldiers
Such skill as sewing shirts
Our shy young sister Suzie shows
Some soldiers send epistles
Say they'd rather sleep in thistles
Than the saucy, soft short shirts for soldiers Sister Suzie sews.


Red leather, yellow leather, ...



programming language PL/I by Bruce Walker


Announcement at Victoria Station, London:
Two to two to Tooting too!


Richard's wretched ratchet wrench.


Rugged rubber baby buggy bumpers.


Betty Botter bought some butter but, said she, the butter's bitter.
If I put it in my batter, it will make my batter bitter.
But a bit of better butter will make my bitter batter better.
So she bought some better butter, better than the bitter butter,
put it in her bitter batter, made her bitter batter better.
So 'twas better Betty Botter bought some better butter.


A box of biscuits,
a box of mixed biscuits,
and a biscuit mixer.


When a doctor doctors a doctor,
does the doctor doing the doctoring
doctor as the doctor being doctored wants to be doctored or
does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as he wants to doctor?


What to do to die today at a minute or two to two. A terribly difficult thing to say and a harder thing to do. A dragon will come and beat his drum Ra-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-too at a minute or two to two today. At a minute or two to two.

Who is the author?


If two witches would watch two watches, which witch would watch which watch?


The soldier's shoulder surely hurts!


She sees seas slapping shores.


A loyal warrior will rarely worry why we rule.

by Ray Weisling


Greek grapes.


Mr. See owned a saw and Mr Soar owned a seesaw.
Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw before Soar saw See.


Six sick sea-serpents swam the seven seas.


There was a little witch which switched from Chichester to Ipswich.


A proper cup of coffee from a proper copper coffee pot.


Never trouble about trouble until trouble troubles you!


Theophilus Thadeus Thistledown, the succesful thistle-sifter, while sifting a sieve-full of unsifted thistles, thrust three thousand thistles through the thick of his thumb. Now, if Theophilus Thadeus Thistledown, the succesful thistle-sifter, thrust three thousand thistles through the thick of his thumb, see that thou, while sifting a sieve-full of unsifted thistles, thrust not three thousand thistles through the thick of thy thumb.


Shoe section, shoe section, shoe section, ...


A smart fella, a fella smart.
It takes a smart fella to say a fella smart.


She is a thistle-sifter. She has a sieve of unsifted thistles and a sieve of sifted thistles and the sieve of unsifted thistles she sifts into the sieve of sifted thistles because she is a thistle-sifter.


Admidst the mists and coldest frosts,
With stoutest wrists and loudest boasts,
He thrusts his fists against the posts,
And still insists he sees the ghosts.


Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear,
Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair,
Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't very fuzzy,
was he?


Blue glue gun, green glue gun.


Betty bought some butter,
but the butter Betty bought was bitter,
so Betty bought some better butter,
and the better butter Betty bought
was better than the bitter butter Betty bought before!


Toy boat, toy boat, toy boat, ...


Mallory's hourly salary.


I slit a sheet, a sheet I slit, and on that slitted sheet I sit.


Don't spring on the inner-spring this spring or there will be an offspring next spring.


A flea and a fly in a flue,
were imprisoned. So what could they do?
Said the fly, "Let us flee".
Said the flea, "Let us fly".
So they flew through a flaw in the flue.


King Thistle stuck a thousand thistles in the thistle of his thumb.
A thousand thistles King Thistle stuck in the thistle of his thumb.
If King Thistle stuck a thousand thistles in the thistle of his thumb,
How many thistles did King Thistle stick in the thistle of his thumb?


Five fat friars frying flat fish.


The bottle of perfume that Willy sent
was highly displeasing to Millicent.
Her thanks were so cold
that they quarreled, I'm told
o'er that silly scent Willy sent Millicent


Esau Wood sawed wood. All the wood Esau Wood saw, Esau Wood would saw. All the wood Wood saw, Esau sought to saw. One day Esau Wood's wood-saw would saw no wood. So Esau Wood sought a new wood-saw. The new wood-saw would saw wood. Oh, the wood Esau Wood would saw. Esau sought a saw that would saw wood as no other wood-saw would saw. And Esau found a saw that would saw as no other wood-saw would saw. And Esau Wood sawed wood.


Betty bought some bitter butter
and it made her batter bitter,
so Betty bought some better butter
to make her bitter batter better.


A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk,
but the stump thunk the skunk stunk.


I'm not the fig plucker,
nor the fig pluckers' son,
but I'll pluck figs
Till the fig plucker comes.


Extinct insects' instincts, extant insects' instincts.

by Pierre Abbat


The sixth sheik's sixth sheep 's sick.


Sweater weather, leather weather.


One black beetle bled only black blood, the other black beetle bled blue.


The big black bug's blood ran blue.


I am not the pheasant plucker,
I'm the pheasant plucker's mate.
I am only plucking pheasants
'cause the pheasant plucker's running late.


Ed Nott was shot and Sam Shott was not. So it is better to be Shott than Nott. Some say Nott was not shot. But Shott says he shot Nott. Either the shot Shott shot at Nott was not shot, or Nott was shot. If the shot Shott shot shot Nott, Nott was shot. But if the shot Shott shot shot Shott, the shot was Shott, not Nott. However, the shot Shott shot shot not Shott - but Nott. So, Ed Nott was shot and that's hot! Is it not?


We will learn why her lowly lone, worn yarn loom will rarely earn immoral money.

by Ray Weisling


Unique New York, unique New York, unique New York, ...


If Dr. Seuss Were a Technical Writer.....

Here's an easy game to play.
Here's an easy thing to say:

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash!

You can't say this? What a shame, sir!
We'll find you another game, sir.

If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk,
Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to ram your rom.
Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!

from the Unix fortune database, attributed to in the rec.humor.funny newsgroup


Picky people pick Peter Pan Peanut Butter.
Peter Pan Peanut is the peanut picky people pick.


Ray Rag ran across a rough road.
Across a rough road Ray Rag ran.
Where is the rough road Ray Rag ran across?


Elmer Arnold

personal name


A Tudor who tooted the flute
tried to tutor two tooters to toot.
Said the two to the tutor,
"Is it harder to toot or
to tutor two tooters to toot?"


Mrs Puggy Wuggy has a square cut punt.
Not a punt cut square,
Just a square cut punt.
It's round in the stern and blunt in the front.
Mrs Puggy Wuggy has a square cut punt.


Tim, the thin twin tinsmith.


Thin sticks, thick bricks


Red lorry, yellow lorry.


A big black bug bit a big black bear and made the big black bear bleed blood.


How much wood would a woodchuck chuck
if a wooodchuck could chuck wood?
A woodchuck would chuck all the wood
a woodchuck could chuck
if a woodchuck could chuck wood.


Larry Hurley, a burly squirrel hurler, hurled a furry squirrel through a curly grill.


Six twin screwed steel steam cruisers.


A nurse anesthetist unearthed a nest.


I thought a thought.
But the thought I thought wasn't the thought I thought I thought.
If the thought I thought I thought had been the thought I thought,
I wouldn't have thought so much.


She sells sea shells on the seashore.
The seashells she sells are seashells she is sure.


From the programmer's desk:
She sells cshs by the C shore.


A noise annoys an oyster, but a noisy noise annoys an oyster more!


Plain bun, plum bun, bun without plum.


There was a young man called Fisher
who was fishing for fish in a fissure.
Then a cod with a grin
pulled the fisherman in.
Now they're searching the fissure for Fisher.


Slick slim slippers sliding south.


The Leith police dismisseth us
They thought we sought to stay;
The Leith police dismisseth us
They thought we'd stay all day.
The Leith police dismisseth us,
We both sighed sighs apiece;
And the sighs that we sighed as we said goodbye
Were the size of the Leith police.


Ah shucks, six stick shifts stuck shut!


Meter maid Mary married manly Matthew Marcus Mayo,
a moody male mailman moving mostly metered mail.


The king would sing, about a ring that would go ding.


How much dough would Bob Dole dole
if Bob Dole could dole dough?
Bob Dole would dole as much dough
as Bob Dole could dole,
if Bob Dole could dole dough.


People pledging plenty of pennies.


Mares eat oats and does eat oats, but little lambs eat ivy.

from a pre-war English music-hall song


To begin to toboggan first, buy a toboggan.
But do not buy too big a toboggan!
Too big a toboggan is too big a toboggan to buy to begin to toboggan.


Courtney Dworkin

personal name


Switch watch, wrist watch.


Six thick thistle sticks.


Black bug's blood


Moses supposes his toeses are roses,
but Moses supposes erroneously.
For Moses, he knowses his toeses aren't roses,
as Moses supposes his toeses to be.

Donald O'Connor and Gene Kelly in "Singing in the rain


I wish I were what I was when I wished I were what I am.


She sells seashells on the seashore. The seashells she sells are seashore seashells.


Irish wristwatch


She had shoulder surgery.


To put a pipe in byte mode, type PIPE_TYPE_BYTE.

from the Visual C++ help file.


Three Tree Turtles

Three tree turtles took turns talking tongue twisters.
If three tree turtles took turns talking tongue twisters,
where's the twisters the three tree turtles talked?


My Friend Gladys

Oh, the sadness of her sadness when she's sad.
Oh, the gladness of her gladness when she's glad.
But the sadness of her sadness,
and the gladness of her gladness,
Are nothing like her madness when she's mad!


I would if I could, and if I couldn't, how could I?
You couldn't, unless you could, could you?

common school kids nonsense, circa 1910


real rear wheel


Give me the gift of a grip-top sock,
A clip drape shipshape tip top sock.
Not your spinslick slapstick slipshod stock,
But a plastic, elastic grip-top sock.
None of your fantastic slack swap slop
From a slap dash flash cash haberdash shop.
Not a knick knack knitlock knockneed knickerbocker sock
With a mock-shot blob-mottled trick-ticker top clock.
Not a supersheet seersucker rucksack sock,
Not a spot-speckled frog-freckled cheap sheik's sock
Off a hodge-podge moss-blotched scotch-botched block.
Nothing slipshod drip drop flip flop or glip glop
Tip me to a tip top grip top sock.

articulation warmup for actors


National Sheepshire Sheep Association


The crow flew over the river with a lump of raw liver.


The little red lorry went down Limuru road.

Limuru (Lee-moo-roo) road is a the name of a road in Kenya.


Flies fly but a fly flies.


Did Doug dig Dick's garden or did Dick dig Doug's garden?

by Paul Davies


If a Hottentot taught a Hottentot tot to talk ere the tot could totter, ought the Hottentot tot be taught to say ought or naught or what ought to be taught 'er?


How many cans can a canner can if a canner can can cans? A canner can can as many cans as a canner can if a canner can can cans.


Federal Express is now called FedEx.
When I retire I'll be a FedEx ex.
But if I'm an officer when I retire, I'll be an ex Fedex Exec.
Then after a divorce, my ex-wife will be an ex FedEx exec's ex.
If I rejoin FedEx in time, I'd be an ex ex FedEx exec.
When we remarry, my wife will be an ex ex FedEx exec's ex.


Which witch snitched the stitched switch for which the Swiss witch wished?

by Ann Clark


Does this shop sport short socks with spots?


Customer: Do you have soothers?
Shopkeeper (thinking he had said "scissors"): No, we don't have scissors.
Customer: Soothers!
Shopkeeper : No, we don't have scissors or soothers.
... scissors or soothers, scissors or soothers, scissors or soothers, ...

actual conversation in a shop in Canada, recorded by Don Monson


Tommy, Tommy, toiling in a tailor's shop.
All day long he fits and tucks,
all day long he tucks and fits,
and fits and tucks, and tucks and fits,
and fits and tucks, and tucks and fits.
Tommy, Tommy, toiling in a tailor's shop.


No need to light a night light on a light night like tonight.


I wish to wish, I dream to dream, I try to try, and I live to live, and I'd die to die, and I cry to cry but I dont know why.

from a Song by Soundgarden named "Somewhere" composed and written by Ben Shepherd


My mommy makes me muffins on Mondays.

by Tim McCauley, age 8


A real rare whale.


Terry Teeter, a teeter-totter teacher, taught her daughter Tara to teeter-totter, but Tara Teeter didn't teeter-totter as Terry Teeter taught her to.

by Pierre Abbat


Ken Dodd's dad's dog 's dead.


I bought a bit of baking powder and baked a batch of biscuits. I brought a big basket of biscuits back to the bakery and baked a basket of big biscuits. Then I took the big basket of biscuits and the basket of big biscuits and mixed the big biscuits with the basket of biscuits that was next to the big basket and put a bunch of biscuits from the basket into a biscuit mixer and brought the basket of biscuits and the box of mixed biscuits and the biscuit mixer to the bakery and opened a tin of sardines.

Said to be a diction test for would-be radio announcers: To be read clearly, without mistakes, in less than 20 seconds (from Coronet Magazine, August 1948).


Kanta is a masai girl, she can tie a tie and untie a tie, if kanta can tie a tie and untie a tie, why can't I tie a tie and untie a tie?


I'm a mother pheasant plucker.
I pluck mother pheasants.
I'm the pleasantest mother pheasant plucker,
That ever plucked a mother pheasant.
Actually, ...
I'm Not the pheasant plucker,
I'm the pheasant plucker's son.
But I'll stay and pluck the pheasants
Till the pheasant plucking 's done!


If you go for a gopher a gopher will go for a gopher hole.


Seven slick and sexy sealskin ski suits slid slowly down the slope.


The chief of the Leith police dismisseth us.


Fred Threlfall's thirty-five fine threads are finer threads than Fred Threlfall's thirty-five thick threads.

by Anthony Nichols


Bug's black blood


Reed Wade Road


Jack's nap sack strap snapped.


I saw Esau sitting on a seesaw. I saw Esau; he saw me.


A quick witted cricket critic.


Hitchcock Hawk Watch Spots Record Raptors

Title of an article in the Neola Gazette


Sure, sir, the ship's sure shipshape, sir.


The Smothers brothers' father's mother's brothers are
the Smothers brothers' mother's father's other brothers.


One Double Dozen Double Damask Dinner Napkins

Name of a sketch written by Dion Titheradge for a London musical revue and originally performed by Cicely Courtneidge in the early 1930's. The comedienne Bea Lillie performed the sketch in an American film starring Bing Crosby in 1938, and that film's name was "Doctor Rhythm". The sketch became famous and Lillie did perform it on numerous occasions on radio, as well as record it on two 78rpm records.


The cat crept into the crypt, crapped and crept out.


Dear mother,
give your other udder
to my other brother.


Blended baby blue bug's blood blotches.

made up watching bugs splatter on the windshield ... ugh!


So, this is the sushi chef?

Spoken to a friend in a Japanese restaurant on the chef’s return.


Betty Botter bought some butter, but the butter Betty Botter bought was bitter. So Betty Botter bought some better butter to make the bitter butter Betty Botter bought better. But instead of the better butter Betty Botter bought making the bitter butter Betty Botter bought better, the bitter butter Betty Botter bought made the better butter Betty Botter bought bitter!


Furnish Freddie's nursery with forty-four furry Furby Beanie Babies.


Arnold Palmer, Arnold Palmer, Arnold Palmer, ...

name of the famous American golfer


A bitter biting bittern bit a better biting bittern
And the better biting bittern bit the bitter biting bittern back.
Said the bitter biting bittern to the better biting bittern
“I’m a bitter biting bittern bitten back”


Certified certificates from certified certificate certifiers.


Imagine, imagining imagining, an imaginary imaginary imaginary menagerie manager, imagining imagining imagining an imaginary imaginary imaginary managerie.


What noise annoys a noisy oyster?
Any noise annoys a noisy oyster,
but a noisy noise annoys a noisy oyster most!


We need a plan to fan a pan; find a pan to fan, then find a fan to fan the pan, then fan the pan.

Some Korean students find difficult to pronounce difference between 'f' and 'p'.

thnks to -

Writes of what to write and what not to write

Recently reading a lot of emails (because that is what I do), I realized that there is no correct or incorrect way to perform written com...